From Alone to Committed Love

There are many aspects of this programme that make it different from other programmes:

• This is a 1:1 coaching-based programme with undivided, individual attention given to you - so it’s tailored to your specific needs. 

Many other programmes are group coaching-based, which means you receive a lot less individual attention; and the attention you receive is given only with others also present - with no private space for you. Because a group programme has to meet the needs of multiple people, it can’t be tailored to your individual needs in the same way.

And some programmes offer only dating advice with no coaching element, which means your specific, individual needs are not directly addressed; you don’t receive feedback and guidance that’s tailored to you, and the advice you receive is generic.

• The programme’s resources offer a lot more than just generic advice - they cover important relevant concepts and topics, inviting you to reflect on your own experience, and to practice new things and ways of being that move you towards a loving, committed relationship.

For example, there’s an audio lesson on Attachment Theory, accompanied by a reflection sheet for you to bring more awareness to how your own Attachment Style is currently impacting how you feel, and the ways it might be limiting how you connect and engage with potential partners. The practical exercises are designed to then help you to try out some new things, and bring you better results.

You’ll be able to bring any insights, challenges, questions or successes that come from engaging with the resources to your 1:1 coaching sessions.

• This program is SO much more than just a dating program that offers dating advice - it’s a process that’s designed to bring about the personal transformation you need to really move the needle and bring you the results you want. Dating advice alone often doesn’t work, because it does little to address the deep-seated subconscious beliefs, blind spots and limiting behaviours that are holding you back, and there’s no feedback on your progress.

   

   

• Transformative inner work with both the Voice Dialogue model and the nervous system makes From Alone To Committed Love different from other programmes. Please see the answers to the two FAQ’s about this for more information.

As someone who was chronically single for a very long time - despite trying what felt like everything to find a loving partner for a committed relationship - I can totally understand being skeptical about the programme. And I really hear that it feels as though you’ve tried everything - however it is also true that you haven’t tried this programme.

Of course, it’s impossible to guarantee 100% results because there are so many factors involved, including your showing up fully and doing the work. However, this is a transformative programme that has the power to bring you real results, if you commit to it.

It’s difficult to believe that the committed relationship you want is possible when you think you’re seeing obstacles outside of you that you have no influence over. But the lack of belief that it’s possible is itself an obstacle within you - because it can lead to feeling powerless and hopeless, blind you to very real possibilities and stop you taking positive action.

It’s true that there are some things you have no control over - and at the same time, it’s worth being open to the possibility that some of the obstacles that you think are outside of you, are - at least in part - actually down to your own patterns of thought, limiting beliefs, faulty interpretations and assumptions. And you do have the power to do something about that - and this programme is specifically designed to support you to.

Let's take an example: you meet an attractive man your own age who shows signs of being interested in you, but you keep telling yourself he’s probably going to go for a younger woman. You really believe it, especially because you hear your friends stating the same “truth”, so you don’t make an effort to connect with him. A couple of months later, you bump into him and he’s in a relationship with a woman who’s older than you. What does that tell you about the obstacle? Was it a reality outside of you and something you had no control over? 

How you perceive obstacles and what you choose to focus on is important, because it plays a huge part in how “reality” plays out for you and keeps getting reinforced because of the “proof” you see. 

This programme will help you to see your blind spots, challenge your “reality” and help you to think and behave in new ways to get the positive results you’re looking for.

I’m a highly skilled relationships coach with more than 20 years’ experience of successfully supporting clients with deep personal transformation and getting the results they want.

I’ve undergone rigorous, in-depth training that I chose specifically to overcome the very challenge that I can now support you to overcome through this programme: Jan Day’s 18-month Living Tantra Training, Voice Dialogue Facilitator Training (with Transforming Dialogue), A Year of Polyvagal with Deb Dana and Irene Lyon’s Nervous System Health Program Smart Body Smart Mind (with ongoing practice as alumni).

Also, the fact that I've experienced many of the challenges you’re facing equips me with deep emotional understanding. For example, in my own experience, a lot of the advice and “wisdom” people offered me when I was long-term single (including some dating and relationship experts) was stressful and super unhelpful to receive, like:

“No-one else can love you until you love yourself” reinforced my belief that I was unlovable as I was - and I felt under huge pressure to do something that I had no roadmap for, and was getting all wrong.

“It’ll come (a relationship) when you’re not looking” was another one - I believed I had to make myself “not look”, which was impossible when I had such a deep longing. It made me feel as though my longing was a problem, and that the only way it could be met was to hide it! Which of course kept me stuck in an impossible double-bind.

So I know how frustrating it is to hear the same things over and over that make the situation look more bleak and make you feel even more hopeless. And I know how helpful it is to be fully heard and met where you’re really at, so you can move forwards from wherever you're currently standing.

It’s not possible to say how long, because everyone is different and it depends on so many factors, including how much time and energy you invest in engaging with the programme and taking action. The programme is designed to support you to make choices that move you towards the committed relationship you want, whether you begin a new relationship during the three-month duration of the programme, or at some point afterwards.

Because three months allows time for significant changes to happen, to bring you the results you want. There's time and space for you to become aware of your blind spots and gain new insights, reflect on your patterns and obstacles, learn and try new things, change thought and behaviour patterns, stretch your comfort zone and form new habits  - all whilst receiving real-time support and valuable feedback that will help you move you towards a loving, committed relationship with confidence.

Real transformation rarely happens overnight - three months provides a good stretch of time and space for it to happen. 

No. The programme is designed to both support you to meet someone and to navigate the early stages of relationship, because this is often when obstacles and patterns come up and get in the way of creating a relationship that is healthy, happy and lasting. Continuing to engage in the programme once you've met someone will support you to set the tone of the relationship and maximise the likelihood of it being successful in all the ways you want it to be.

A lot, because our 1:1 sessions are entirely focused on YOU. My role is to personally guide you to overcome your particular obstacles and give you the personal feedback you need to move through them successfully to get the results you want.

Yes. Your participation in the programme would be completely confidential and everything you share in our 1-1 sessions is confidential. The only exceptions to this are:

You can choose to meet and share with others on the program (virtually - see the FAQ below for more details), but this is optional. Everyone will be asked to commit to a confidentiality agreement, which includes keeping the names of others on the programme confidential.

It's your choice. You can have contact with me only, if that's what works for you. You'll have the option of joining a WhatsApp support group - this is optional. Also, there is a group session in week 2 that you can either attend live along with others on the programme, or you can simply watch the recording afterwards, if you prefer.

In the Voice Dialogue Parts Work Model, the human self is seen as being made up of many parts, or sub-personalities, each having their own voice, role or job, and way of seeing things. 

When working with the model in our 1:1 coaching sessions, I'll support you to identify different parts of you, and you can literally sit in the seat of each inner part that you'd like to explore and connect with. You can speak as each part and can experience it more fully than you might by just thinking about it. This helps you to understand yourself more deeply - including your subconscious beliefs, and why you think, feel and behave in the ways you do. And as your awareness of your different parts grows, this leads to you having more conscious choice about what you believe, think, feel and how you behave. You'll gain greater access to your inner wisdom and the intelligence of your system of parts.

In Voice Dialogue work we’re never trying to change, fix or get rid of any parts: change happens organically when awareness is brought to what’s happening in the system. This is a deeply self-accepting that approach supports a healthy, loving relationship with all parts of yourself - and because the quality of your relationship with yourself will determine the quality of your Love relationship, this is an important aspect of the programme.

Here’s one simple example of Voice Dialogue in action:

You’ve been dating someone who wants to start a new relationship, and you’d like to say yes, but you’re feeling unsure. Whilst talking about this in a 1:1 session, you identify three different parts of you: a Protector Part, an Inner Child Part and an Open-Hearted Woman Part (there are often more than three parts, but I'll stick with three here, for simplicity's sake).

You sit in the seat of - and speak from - the Protector Part of you, whose job it is to keep you safe. This part says it’s nervous about the relationship because of how you were hurt in the past. A back-and-forth conversation then happens between the facilitator (relationships coach in this case) and the Protector Part, and that part agrees to allow the relationship to go ahead, with the condition that certain precautions are taken to reduce the risk of heartbreak. Without this conversation and your new awareness of the Protector Part, it might have at a subconscious level stopped you from pursuing the relationship.

Next, you sit in the seat of the Inner Child Part of you, who expresses feeling scared about getting hurt and being abandoned. Now that you’re aware of the concerns, feelings and vulnerability of the Child Part, you can let her know that you won’t abandon her - and that you will hold her when she’s feeling scared.

Finally, you sit in the seat of the Open-Hearted Woman Part of you, who expresses her excitement and desire for the new relationship.

As you enter the relationship, now you're able to listen to the Protector Part whilst it does its job of keeping you safe, without letting it run the show and hold you back. And you're also more aware of your Inner Child Part and how she's feeling, so you're in a better position to hold and reassure her, so that the Open-Hearted Woman Part of you can lead.

Our day-to-day nervous system states – i.e. fight-flight and freeze/shut-down – have a huge impact on on the ways we relate and our capacity to connect with both ourselves and others - so good basic knowledge of how the nervous system works, ongoing awareness of your own responses and understanding the ways you can tend to your own nervous system are valuable for supporting you to both find the right match for you, and to create a healthy, committed relationship.

If you can't make your coaching session some weeks, no problem - there will be flexibility around when you use your time with me, as long as it's within the three month duration of the program (except the follow-up session , which will happen at a time you choose within three months of the end of the program).

If you want to book all of the dates of your sessions right at the start of the program, you can do that - and if you'd rather book week-by-week, that's fine too.

The short answer is it depends on how much time you want to devote to it.

The absolute minimum is one hour per week for your 1-1 coaching session. Depending on your needs, this might work for you.

I recommend that you engage with at least some of the programme's resources - the audio lessons, reflection sheets and practical exercises - again, the time you choose to invest in this depends on your needs and what you can manage. Around an hour a week minimum is a fair estimate, and this could be spread across the week in a way that suits you. One the other hand, you might choose to invest a few hours each week. You'll have access to the resources for life, so you can go at your own pace and revisit them as and when suits you.

You might also want to consider the time you choose to invest in taking action like going on dates, communicating with potential partners, using dating apps, etc - which you might already be investing time in.

Generally speaking, the more time and energy you put into the programme, the more you’ll get out of it in terms of your own growth and the greater your chances of meeting a suitable partner in a shorter period of time - and of course everyone is different, so it'll depend on what works for you.

The programme has a 14-day money back guarantee. If you’re not happy with it, you’ll receive a full refund within 3 working days. 

No - the programme is open to anyone who wants to be in a committed relationship, who understands what it requires of them and is willing to commit to it. 

The programme is informed significantly by my own personal experience and life perspective as a now-married woman, whose intention was always to be in a monogamous, committed relationship with a man - however, my expertise is not limited by this, and I work ongoingly with a wide variety of folks with different identities, life experiences and relationship goals.

Please email me at info@nicola-madden.com and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. This will usually be within a few hours Monday-Friday between 8am to 6pm, and up to 24 hours at the weekend.

Once you've made your payment, you'll receive a Paypal payment receipt in your inbox and within a few hours (24 hours max) I'll be in touch to welcome you to the programme and provide the details of what happens next.

If you need to get in touch for any reason, please email info@nicola-madden.com

Yes, you're very welcome to get in touch. Please email me at info@nicola-madden.com and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.